Quote of the week - Happy Halloween!

We are what we think, do, feel, say, and believe in

We all, consciously or subconsciously, define and fine tune who we are by the choices we make. Everyday; constantly. Yes, even the superficial, seemingly insignificant choices. You can deny it if you like, but I won't believe you...

Every choice we make; what we do for a living; what we do for fun; what we read, watch, wear, eat; where and how we live; what kind of car we drive; whether we marry or remain single, whether we believe in God, Buddha, or Fairies; has meaning. All of these choices, along with many others, define who we are; because when you think about it; we are much more than just flesh and bone; we ARE what we think, do, feel, say, and believe in.

My unsolicited theory is that each of us is really three people dwelling in same body; the person we want to be; the person we want other people to think we are; and the person that we actually are. It would be great if these three were always on the same page, however, sometimes they are wildly out of synch.

The person we want others to think we are, and the person we want to be, are usually pretty tight; but the person that we actually are is often standing on the outside with his/her nose pressed against the glass wondering "why can't I be more like you guys?" Why, indeed?

I'll give you an example: Suppose you desperately want others to perceive you as intellectual, cultured, and highbrow. You envision yourself, curled up by the fire, with a leather bound copy of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, listening to Mozart, wearing a lace blouse, sipping a cup of fine tea, and nibbling on delicate finger sandwiches.

You've staged the scenario; but as you're sitting there trying to get into the dialogue, which you find a bit stuffy, you see the newest issue of Vogue lying on the coffee table. You start to fidget. The Mozart symphony is like ambien, and you begin to crave a big, juicy, pastrami sandwich on marble rye. "Who the hell eats cucumber sandwiches, anyway?" you think, as you go into the kitchen to make the pastrami sandwich; then you ditch the blouse for a tee-shirt, put on Disco's Greatest Hits, toss Jane Austen on the floor, and reach for the Vogue.

Do you get my point? We are much happier if we just are who we are. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try new things, or attempt to expand our horizons. Wandering out of the comfort zone on a regular basis adds spice to life. Exposing ourselves to all the world has to offer can be richly rewarding. After all, we might discover that we adore Jane Austen, Mozart, or itchy lace. However, preferring fashion magazines, Disco Inferno, or tee shirts is nothing to be ashamed of either. Being true to who we are, and being honest with others about who we are, is definitely the best way to live.

This above all; to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare

C

Emerson Fry

photo via Emerson Fry 

Emerson Fry is one of my favorite online shopping sites for clothing. Their aesthetic is modern, clean, versatile, long wearing. You won't find anything super trendy, or overtly sexy.  It is a compact line of black, grays, and neutrals; minimally tailored, in quality fabrics. Bright colors, pastels, pretty floral patterns, ruffles, buttons and bows, etc., are fine; on other people; But they're just not my style...

Check out Emerson Fry | here |

Australian Design & Kitchen Envy

Photo – Sean Fennessy. Production – Lucy Feagins / The Design Files

I am obsessed lately with Australian interior design sites. One of my favorites is The Design Files. The Australians have a fresh, casual style that I absolutely love. Never fussy or overdone, Australian home design is modern but definitely not cold; creative and fresh, but never veering into super trendy or cliche. 

And of course, being a major foodie, I'm always particularly interested in kitchens. This drool-worthy kitchen is from the Melbourne house of Daniel Stray and KC Reynolds. It is one of my favorite kitchens ever, in a home that looks like a place where people actually live. See more photos in The Design Files |here|

C

ELEGANCE, Class, Sophistication, Chic, Glamour, and Style

Cary Grant & Audrey Hepburn - image via the criterion collection

For the next six Mondays, I'm going to write about elegance, class, sophistication, chic, glamour, and style; words that are often used interchangeably when referring to attractive, well-dressed people, but which don't necessarily mean the same thing.

Today, I'll start with elegance. Elegance is defined as "the quality of being graceful in appearance or manner," and "the quality of being pleasingly ingenious and simple; neatness."

Who comes to mind when I think of elegance? Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Fred Astaire, Jacqueline Kennedy, and Oscar de la Renta, to name a few. They all had elegance to spare. Living people? I can think of a handful that qualify; like Marella Agnelli, widow of former Fiat chairman Gianni Agnelli. Interior designer Barbara Barry comes to mind, as well as clothing designer Carolina Herrera. Regarding the younger generation, I think William and Kate are growing nicely into elegance. Compare a photo of the royal couple to one of Kimye, if you want to see the difference between elegance and...whatever.

And then, there are the elegant characters in some of my favorite books and movies; like Atticus Finch, in Harper Lee's classic, To Kill a Mockingbird, Guido Morris and Holly Sturgis in Laurie Colwin's Happy All The Time, and Diane Keaton's "Erica Barry," in Something's Gotta Give.

So, does elegance require lots of money? Not necessarily. I've seen ladies riding the bus, in simple dresses and pearls, who display a quiet elegance with very modest means. And of course, Atticus Finch was a small town lawyer and resident of the fictional Maycomb County, Alabama. Elegance is more of a mindset; an attitude of natural ease; refinement; integrity; simplicity.

Elegance is understated, impeccable, sublime; never flashy or showy. Big hair; big fake boobs; fake tans; ostentatious jewelry = not elegant. However, elegance is not stuffy or old fashioned; nor is it boring and humorless. Actually, it can be quite fresh and modern; especially these days when it is in such short supply.

Can elegance be learned? Absolutely; but it requires practice and discipline, because true elegance is authentic. It is a patina'd trait that must be fine tuned over time to become second nature. Diana Vreeland stated, "elegance is refusal." I believe that is true. It's all about weeding out the coarse, tasteless, and ugly; and embracing the fine and beautiful. There is just no forcing, or faking, elegance.

I love Guido Morris's description of his wife Holly, the epitome of serene elegance, in the book Happy All The Time -

The world and Holly were on excellent terms. It did not flare up and surprise her. It held no disappointments, alarms, or clubs with which to beat a citizen over the head.

and -

Holly's habits, her rituals, her opinions stood for the way she felt about the world-they expressed some grand conception of life and the placement of things in it. Her perfection and precision were a noble stand against sloppiness.

I especially love the last line-"her perfection and precision were a noble stand against sloppiness."-Because one thing that elegance definitely is NOT, is sloppy.

Who represents elegance to you? 

C

Quote of the Week

Hipster Maligned

Everyone makes fun of hipsters; even hipsters. "I'm not a hipster!" they declare indignantly. However, according to pop culture definition (see previous post) that is exactly what they are. Most people, especially the ones who envision themselves as unique, don't like to be reduced to a cliche, or branded by a label; especially one so banal as "hipster." But let's assume that, even though they vehemently deny it, hipsters do exist; and that they do regard themselves as unique. Are they really that different? Yes, and no...

Every generation has a relatively small, creative group of people who start trends; a whole lot of people who follow trends; and a few hardcore individuals who reject trends from the get/go. The people who start the trends, ie: hipsters, bobo's (bourgeois/bohemians), hippies, the beat generation (beatniks), etc., follow the trends for a while, until they become mainstream. Then they reject them and move on to new trends, although "new" is often simply a reworked mishmash of trends from generations past.

The mainstream of society will eventually follow the trends started by the ones who start the trends. They will scoff at first, but finally succumb to somewhat watered-down versions of the original trends; ie: wearing strategically ripped designer jeans, expensive tee shirts with ironic quotes, and eyeglasses from Warby Parker; eating vegetarian and organic foods from exclusive, specialty markets; and driving "green chic" hybrid cars.

And then, there are the truly "uncool" people who reject all trends from the very beginning; like your parents...

You may consider yourself a rugged individualist, immune to the comings and goings of the latest trends; but unless you live in a cave, you are most likely influenced, to some degree, by trends in pop culture and the media. Billions of dollars go into marketing and advertising every year, and with good reason; it works. And while hipsters, and their recent predecessors (bobo's, hippies, beatniks, etc.) may reject mainstream culture, make no mistake; they are vulnerable to trends within their own subculture. Cases in point:

How many hipsters are vegans, hang out in coffee shops that roast their own coffee beans and brew them in fifty different and complex ways; wear vintage and mismatched clothing, tight jeans, and heavy rimmed, "geek" eyeglasses; listen to obscure, indie music; and spend hours everyday texting and twittering on the most current version of an iPhone?

How many bobo's purchased a $100 shovel from Smith & Hawken for the name emblazoned on the handle, when they could've gotten one just as good for $20 at the local hardware store?

How many hippies wore fringed leather jackets, grew their hair long, stopped washing their hair and wearing deodorant, smoked pot, and tried to learn to play the guitar like Jimi Hendrix, because of Woodstock?

How many beatniks wore all black, played the bongos, read Kerouac, and dreamed of going "on the road?"

How many middle-aged executives today wear do-rags and leather jackets every weekend, as they tool around town on their Harleys? Hello, Easy Rider, circa: the glory days.

How many 50+ women wear little black dresses and black pumps, a la Holly Golightly, because Audrey was their style icon back in 1961?

Can't we just admit it? Each of us has a self-image that we're trying to live up to. We all want to make a unique, personal statement, but we still feel the need to belong; to be a part of the bigger picture. Is that the end of the world?

What? You're different? You're anti-social, anti-trend, anti-consumerism, and you don't give a flip about fitting into any faction of society?  Sorry, but you are still making a statement, and you are still influenced by trends; just in an "anti" way. And frankly, you're not that different; if you look around, you'll find thousands of people who are very much like you.

Who we align ourselves with, or not; how we communicate with others, or don't; whether we are religious, spiritual, or atheist; our interests and pastimes; where we live; how we furnish our homes; how we choose to make a living, where and how we spend our money; who we vote for; the causes we support, or oppose; what we eat; where we go on vacation; how we dress; what we read; the music we listen to; the movies we see; the TV shows we watch, etc.. These things, tangible and intangible, help define who we are, who we want to be, and who we want people to believe we are. That's just life...

All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. 

- William Shakespeare

Hipster Defined

Beatniks, hippies, bobos, and now hipsters. Hipsters are the latest incarnation of the hip and trendy people. What exactly is a hipster? According to Urban Dictionary* hipsters are, as follows -

a subculture of men and women, typically (but not necessarily) in their 20's and 30's

conformists within their own subculture

value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics; tend to be radically open minded

appreciate art, indie rock, creativity, intelligence, witty banter

obscure, elitist tastes in music

typically urban; greatest concentration in major cosmopolitan cities

reject mainstream consumerism

tend to take up causes; often socially minded

reject mainstream ideal ie: muscular, athletic, all-American male, or culturally vapid, fake blond, overly tanned, sorority girl

edgy, ironic, fashion style ie: vintage and thrift store inspired fashion, tight jeans, leggings, mismatched clothing, old school sneakers, thick rimmed glasses, tee shirts with ironic sayings, androgynous hairstyles

typically well-educated, often with liberal arts degrees, or degrees in maths and sciences

consequently, many have careers in music, art, or fashion industries

typically hang out at fashionable coffee shops, indie rock shows, and hipster dance clubs

shop for food at stores like Whole Foods or farmer's markets - often vegetarian or vegan - prefer organic or Fair Trade fruits and vegetables - enjoy a variety of ethnic foods

may ride a fixed gear bicycle or hybrid car

network through social media ie: Facebook and/or Twitter

*adapted from Urban Dictionary

What will the next big cultural movement be? Your guess is as good as mine. But we know for sure there will be one; because that's the way society is. It's always interesting to speculate. Read my take on our conflicting needs to fit in and stand out, in tomorrow's post, "Hipster Maligned."

C

Three Haiku

The Edge

the edge of the cliff
do I jump or do I go
back to what I know?


Morning

gray mist dissipates
horizon explodes with light
morning has arrived


Pinwheel

beckons from childhood
chocolate marshmallow bliss
pinwheel cookie love

Ten books that inspired me to read more...

I was an avid reader as a child; one of those geeky kids that spent afternoons at the library during the summer. I never lost my fascination with books. My daughter is also a book lover, and now her kids are acquiring quite the collection of books as well. If you have children, please encourage them to read. Reading stimulates the imagination in a way that television and computer games can never do. Give books to the kids in your life. You won't regret it. 

Ten books that inspired me to read more...

Sixteen, by Beverly Cleary

Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll

Island of the Blue Dolphins, by Scott O'Dell

Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain

Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain

The Yearling, by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee

The Good Earth, by Pearl S. Buck

Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte

Wuthering Heights, by Emily Bronte

Tavi and Alexa

Tavi Gevinson

Alexa Chung

Lately, I've been watching youtube videos of Tavi and Alexa...Who?

Tavi Gevinson started writing a fashion blog when she was eleven years old, called Style Rookie. Now she's eighteen, and the founder and editor-in-chief of the online Rookie Magazine, aimed primarily at teenage girls. She considers herself to be a feminist. She recently moved to New York City to go to NYU, and is costarring in a Broadway play called This Is Our Youth. One day, she plans to write screenplays.

Alexa Chung is an English televison presenter, model and contributing editor at British Vogue. She is a muse to many fashion designers because of her distinctive personal style. She frequently appears on best-dressed lists, is a regular model for Vogue, Elle and Harper's Bazaar, and is often seen in the front row at fashion shows. She is thirty years old.

Why, you're probably wondering, do I care about a teenage fashion blogger, and a thirty year old style muse? Well, because they're interesting, and intelligent. They're discovering who they are. They are experimenting with style; trying on new personas; inquisitive about life. And they aren't bogged down by rules. For them, style is fun and expressive and ever-changing. They're not concerned yet with what they can't do. They aren't hiding behind makeup; they're using it to express, accentuate, and play. And they're soaking up life and art and literature and pop culture and whatever else catches their attention, like sponges.

Watching Tavi's TED talk, Still Figuring It Out is so inspiring to me, because even though her target audience is teenage girls, I relate to what she is saying; because honestly, I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. Of course, we all know that I never will, because change is the only constant in life, and figuring IT out is an ongoing, never ending, process. 

The thing is, everyone expects young people to be curious, bold, experimental, fearless, and a little bit hit or miss. You kind of anticipate the occasional, naive lack of sensibility. But after about forty, people expect you to have your shit together. My question is, do we ever really have our shit together? Or do we just pretend? Do we delude ourselves into thinking we can have it all? Or do we eventually give up, decide it's time to put away the toys, symbolically speaking, and become grown ups?

Well, of course, a certain amount of maturity/responsibility is required to be an adult. But must we relinquish the inquisitive nature of our youth? Does "the unknown" have to lose it's exhilaration and just become dreaded and scary? Must we squelch our unbridled sense of adventure? At what point is one expected to take a reality check, and watch their dreams and aspirations fade in the rear view mirror?

C

Give s--t a chance

As a writer, I have a more than passing interest in words. Recently, in a conversation with a few literary friends, we discussed curse words. The general consensus was that the regular use of curse words...your basic "four letter" words...indicates a lack of imagination. A curse word is rude and crude, and there is almost always a more appropriate, interesting, and refined word to take it's  place. 

That being said, we talked about our favorite curse words; because even though we're against them, and try not to use them; there are times when...well...only an offensive, distasteful, four letter word will do. This reprint of a post from a previous blog is about one of my personal favorites...

I have an inquisitive mind. One might even say…deep thinker. Sometimes a thought pops into my head and I just can’t let it go. Like yesterday morning, I was driving to work, listening to the oldies station. Jet Airliner, by the Steve Miller Band was playing. Do you know it? There is a line in the song: I don’t want to get caught up in any of that funky shit going down in the city. But on FM radio, they have replaced the word “shit” with “kicks.” 

Why??? What’s wrong with shit? It’s just a word; and a colorful one at that. Four little letters; but so un-PC. I’d use it more in everyday life, except that it’s so unacceptable. I mean, at work if I said, “please come in and check out our fabulous new shit;" well…you know...

Used as a noun, it’s just poop; doo-doo; excrement; number two. As a verb, it’s a natural bodily function. Or, it can just be stuff. Most often, it is indeed funky stuff; but sometimes it can be really impressive stuff. Shit doesn’t glorify violence, use anyone’s name in vain, or elicit immoral behavior. So why is it so misunderstood? It’s benign; actually quite harmless. But you cringe every time I say it, don’t you?

My conclusion? I think we should stop being so prissy, and elevate shit to its rightful place in the English language. It's so underrated. It's a versatile word; expressive; concise; to the point. So, stop being so squeamish. Give shit a chance. Merde!

C

Tilda Swinton Style

I like Tilda Swinton's style. Most female actors today play the T&A card, so Tilda's stylized, slightly androgynous look is a welcome diversion from Kim Kardashian's cleavage. I'll agree, some of her wardrobe choices are a little over the top (check out the slideshow) but these minimalist outfits below make me swoon.

In her work, Tilda chooses intelligent, and often unusual roles, rather than just playing the tart leading lady. Like Cate Blanchett, she is a thinking woman's actress; I admire that. And boy, would I ever love to spend an afternoon in her closet trying on clothes...

C

These photos are from NY Mag's, The Cut. See the full slideshow | here | 

Quote of the Week- Kurt Vonnegut

Be careful what you pretend to be, because you are what you pretend to be.

- Kurt Vonnegut

Fashion Film, by Matthew Frost

Another hysterical short video called Fashion Film, by Matthew Frost, starring Lizzy Caplan. It's a tongue in cheek, rip-off of every fashion film cliche...I can't stop laughing. :) via itsnicethat.com

Lizzy Caplan in Fashion Film, by Matthew Frost

Watch Fashion Film | here |

Can you tag me?

One of my favorite websites at the moment is itsnicethat.com.  "It's Nice That is a publishing platform that encompasses several different online, print, and events offerings as part of its mission of championing creativity across the art and design world." While perusing the site, I discovered this short video, by Matthew Frost, called Aspirational. In a snap, he nails today's awkward selfie culture. Starring Kirsten Dunst as Kirsten Dunst. 

Kirsten Dunst in Aspirational, by Matthew Frost

See video | here |

An Evening with Frank & Claire

Last night, after a dinner of crispy bacon and perfectly cooked scrambled eggs, I spent the evening with Frank and Claire; re-watching House Of Cards - Season 2. I really love that show; it's so incredibly dark and complex; and kind of creepy. Is Washington DC really like that? Inquiring minds want to know...or maybe not.

Kevin Spacey is one of my favorite actors.  He's not the summer blockbuster, cookie cutter, leading man kind of guy. He always puts a fascinating spin on his characters. Frank Underwood (his character in HOC) is so deliciously evil; a cold-blooded killer behind a charming facade.

And Robin Wright's Claire...yikes! She is so good! She plays the serene, sophisticated, control freak to a tee. Claire is my idol...from a fashion standpoint. Her understated, super-tailored wardrobe is awesome. That kind of chic takes money, and lots of it; and it takes discipline. Claire never wears florals and small prints; and she probably never buys anything compulsively; or on sale. She is clearly a planner when it comes to her clothing.

Frank and Claire are best friends and allies. Yeah, they're probably afraid not to be. And they smoke! Who smokes on TV anymore?  But they always sit near a window, so they don't stink up the townhouse...

C

How to be Parisian wherever you are: love, style, and bad habits

Audrey Diwan, Caroline de Maigret, Sophie Mas, Anne Berest

I've been reading a book called How to be Parisian, wherever you are: love, style, and bad habits. It is written by four women, all French, who live in Paris. The only one that I was familiar with previously is Caroline de Maigret; a model, music producer, and the new face for Lancôme. She was born in Neuilly-sur-Seine and grew up in Paris.

It is a surprisingly entertaining book about Parisian girl style. I always think of French women as chic and sophisticated, but rarely do I associate them with friendly, chatty, and a sense of humor. If you've ever walked into a Parisian boutique (and you're not a size two) you know what I mean.

This book is kind of like sitting down over espressos with Parisian girlfriends, and discovering what they're really like, beyond berets, croissants, and tying scarves in fifty different ways.

How to be Parisian is not high-brow, life-changing stuff. It's just a good, fun read on a Sunday afternoon...

C

Love Lies Bleeding - a poem

I write poetry. Actually, I write a lot of things; poetry, blog posts, recipes, restaurant reviews, rants, short stories; I'm even working on a novel (for the past three years), which I may never finish because of my self-diagnosed ADHD...look...a squirrel! But I digress...

This poem, called Love Lies Bleeding, is about marriage; which, after three failed marriages, (ok, sure...it could be me) is a subject that I either know well; or know absolutely nothing about. 

A little background info - It's not about me, or any of my marriages. I wrote it about a woman I knew, who was in a tumultuous, co-dependent relationship with a guy; but married him anyway, against her better judgement. She believed that two emotionally damaged people could somehow save each other. Although she was hesitant about the marriage, he gave her an ultimatum and she acquiesced. Of course, it was a train wreck.

  

Love Lies Bleeding

I laid my heart at the altar

ripped and raw and writhing

sacrificed in the name of love

angels cried from up above

they wept for the innocent organ

as white lace turned to red
bleeding to prove my love was true
dying to know if you loved me too

I laid my heart at the altar
ripped and raw and writhing
praying you'd heal it with your love
angels cried from up above

C

A daring adventure...or nothing

Let me begin by saying that, even though I'm sixty three, I don't really think about age that much. Age is just a number, and math is my least favorite subject.

There are so many blogs in the blogosphere these days aimed at twenty-somethings. They're intelligent, witty, inspiring, insightful, optimistic, and sometimes even profound. Some of them are loaded with fun beauty and fashion tips, and clever decorating and entertaining ideas. I enjoy reading them because, well, they're enjoyable.

But when I search for blogs that target women my age, what I find is a lot of "how to look younger; how to cope with menopause; how to use makeup and clothing to disguise imperfections; whether to dye or not to dye; whether to have cosmetic surgery or just accept the consequences of years of drinking too much, eating too much, and partying for decades, etc." They're all about navigating the aging process; basically, they are about damage control. And that's depressing; so I just go back to reading the fun ones written by the younger girls.

A few years ago, I was writing a blog called Silver Foxes. It was designed for my peers. It had potential; but soon, I found myself falling into that same "how to age gracefully" groove. And the thing is, I don't want to write about how to look younger with strategically applied makeup, or how to dress to hide flaws. I don't want to write about effective eye creams. I don't want to write about why I don't want to dye my hair. I don't want to write about how to feel sexy when you're standing next to a twenty year old blond with perky boobs. I don't want to write about how disheartening it is to be invisible to men when they open a door for the young girl in front of you, and then let the door slam in your face. And, I don't want to write about the inevitable health issues, physical and emotional, that accompany aging. Yes, they exist; and if we live long enough, we all have to deal with them eventually; I just don't want to write about it.

With Silver Foxes, I began to feel like a cheerleader. You know, "RAH RAH! Come on girls, we can do it! We can look fabulous! We can feel great! We're not cute and hot anymore, but we are wiser now, because we have life experience under our belts! And, the trade-offs are so worth it! This is so much better than the insecurity and inexperience of youth!" Bullshit. Anyone who says they would rather not go back and do it all over again, is just full of it.

The thing is, I don't want to spend my time and money and energy trying to look like I did "back in the day." In the first place; it's a losing battle. Desperately clinging to the smooth, unwrinkled skin and tight butt of yore does not make one feel any younger, or more confident.

No, the antithesis to feeling like an old fart is to have an awesome life. Helen Keller said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." And I wholeheartedly agree; No amount of makeup, hair dye, botox or Spanx can make you feel as alive as an adventurous spirit. You don't have to race cars or jump out of airplanes; but a pole dancing class, a hot romance (even if it's with your husband) or a road trip with a couple of your BFF's; YES!

Don't get me wrong; I do care about how I look; to a point. I try to eat healthy, about two-thirds of the time; the other third, anything goes, because I love food! (check out my food blog - here) I practice yoga regularly. I get yearly checkups. I use a moisturizer with UVB protection. And I love makeup and fashion! But I try to spend as little time as possible obsessing over gray hair, flabby triceps, and "Howdy Doody" lines. There is so much more to life...

Most of my energy goes into what's between my ears. I like to learn new things, and my interests vary wildly. Complacency is the enemy. Clearly, I will never know everything I want to know, or do everything I want to do in this lifetime. Yeah, it would've been great if I'd known "what I want to be when I grow up"...forty years ago. But does anybody, really? And why waste time whining about it now? Anyway, it's not over yet...

People often comment about my quirky spin on life. Metaphorically speaking, I try to jump off of a cliff everyday. No guts, no glory. Because, like Helen Keller, I believe that life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.

C